The Isle of Isms (Episode 5)

Previously, on the Isle of Isms, Nazism is still tied up and unconcious while Activism and Democracy gets things going by deciding to hold a vote on what should be done about Nazism. The results were 9 for Nazism's execution and 7 for Nazism's acquittal. Aside from some minor annoyances from Post Modernism, they decide to consult The Law for a trial. Fortunately, The Law just so happened to be walking by.


The Law: PESSIMISM! YOU SHALL PAY FOR YOUR INSULT!

Pessimism: AAAHHHH! NOOOO! I’m going to jail! I’m going to die alone and unloved... WAAAAHHH!

The Law: YOU AREN’T GOING TO JAIL YOU MORON. I SAID PAY. PAY IS LEGALLY DEFINED AS TO COMPENSATE FOR OR TO FORFEIT IN EXPIATION OR RETRIBUTION. PAY, IN THIS LEGAL SENSE, IS RESTRICTED TO MONETARY TERMS.

Pessimism: WAAAAHHH! I’m going to lose all my money! I’ll be bankrupt! WAAAAHHH!

Sadism: Arrrggghh! If you don’t stop whining soon I’m going to rip your tongue out, you cry baby bastard.

Realism: Erm. Dude. That’s not exactly the kinda thing you wanna say in front of The Law.

Sadism: Oh. Right.

Religion: Your penchant for violence is frankly disturbing Sadism. You need to let go of your hate and be one with Buddha/Jesus/Krishna or (insert favourite deity here).

Science: Heh. Like that’s ever going to help...

Religion: Shut up Science. You don’t know a thing about inner peace.

Science: Oh yes I do. It’s called Prozac.

Environmentalism: Prozac?? Do you know how many freshwater mussels have perished because of your wanton release of that drug?? The precious bivalves are at stake people and all you care about is your stupid meaning to life questions.

Pacifism: Stop arguing! It disturbs me! *sulks*

Activism: He has a point folks. Since The Law has so nicely chanced upon our midst, let’s bring the case of Nazism up to him and see what he says.

The Law: NAZISM? I THOUGHT WE SETTLED THAT CASE BACK IN 1946? DOES NUREMBERG RING A BELL?

Optimism: Yes, you’re right! But Nazism was revived and rallied by Communism when he escaped from History! See? Even evil people have a chance to wreck havoc a second time. There’s always hope!

Capitalism: Yeah and those bastards decided to wreck a middle class restaurant, murder a useful contributing member to society and jack up repair bills.

Cynicism: Erm... who cares about the damage seriously?? Did you forget we almost friggin got killed??

Capitalism: Oh yeah. That too.

The Law: ACKNOWLEDGED. THAT WARRANTS A DECENT TRIAL AT LEAST. BUT YOU HAVE TO BRING NAZISM TO MY OFFICE AND FOLLOW THE NECESSARY LEGAL PROCEDURES IN PLACE.

Cynicism: Dude. I have to ask. Why are you always speaking in caps? Is it so you can feel better about yourself?

The Law: WHAT?? NO! I SPEAK IN CAPS BECAUSE... IT IS IN CONTRACTUAL TANDEM WITH THE LEGAL TERMS AND CONDITIONS FOR WHICH MY CHARACTER AND PERSONALITY UPHOLDS IN UTMOST MUTUAL AGREEMENT TO AFOREMENTIONED LEGAL DISCUSSIONS WITH THE PERCIEVED AND CURRENT AUTHOR OF THE COPYRIGHT PROTECTED “ISLE OF ISMS” SERIES.

Cynicism: Wow. Just forget I asked.

Activism: Aww man. We have to follow the legal procedures? That’s such a hassle. Can’t we just electrocute him right now and save us all the stupid trouble... I mean seeing Science already has the chair and all...

Sadism: YES YES! I would absolutely love that... *drools*

Mathematics: You know guys... I can’t help but analyse... we’ve all been so principally focused on subtracting life from Nazism. But what about The Arts? She died and nobody gives a pi...

Nihilism: Death... is all there is... Death... is what you will become...

Religion: Wait, Mathematics, I thought YOU didn’t like The Arts? You said she gave you terrible headaches right? Why the sudden concern? Did some god just touch your heart or something...

Mathematics: Well... yeah... I know it doesn’t precisely match my point of symmetry... but... I must admit I admired her sense of... proportion.

Science: Why you cheeky fellow, you’ve been producing and harbouring oxytocin and vasopressin whenever you’re around The Arts haven’t you?

Mathematics: Yeah... and now she’s gone... I think I’m going through an angle of depression...

Science: Well! That’s a new one... Mathematics together with The Arts... Wouldn’t Da Vinci be pleased.

Religion: Stupid Da Vinci. I hate that guy.

Optimism: Don’t worry Mathematics! I’m sure there’s a way we can bring The Arts back!

Cynicism: Such a smartass. What part of “dead” don’t you get, moron?

Optimism: Well... I do have a few friends... you know... who...

Religion: Can speak to the dead?? Dude! If this were the Dark Ages you realise you’d be burning on a stake now right?

Realism: Yes. True. But, in reality, we aren’t. So...

Optimism: Aww... I was only trying to help... I mean... there’s ALWAYS hope.

Activism: Alright alright! One thing at a time! How about we finish off Nazism and then find a way to bring The Arts back?

Democracy: Well, shall we take a vote again?



- The State of Nonsense -