Permission to Exist, Sir.

What’s it like? That’s the question I get asked the most.

And so, I’ll tell it to you right here.

The very first thing I saw was a large green monster. The monster’s name was Nelly, so we called him Nelly the LGM. Nelly had three toes, an exceedingly large head and long claws on each of his six gnarled arms. Nelly never spoke. He either barked, screamed or hollered. I think Nelly didn’t have vocal cords, rather he simply swallowed some huge THD amplifier when he was a kid and spoke that way ever since. I can’t remember what he shouted on the first day. Probably along the lines of “we own you now so stop squirming” and something about “succumbing to the clutches of evil” and “there is no hope so give up” kinda thing.

Honestly, I was rather dazed throughout the whole ordeal. Everything was blurry and I couldn’t see more than two feet ahead of me. The next thing I knew, we were given some huge sack cloths to put on, and so we did. Unfortunately, I have never worn a sack cloth in my life, so I put it on the wrong way round. Apparently though, this simple act of error somehow angered the four gods of miniscule rulings.


Irk, The First god of Miniscule Rulings.
The greatest of the four, is a stone cold ruler. He never speaks unless it need be spoken.

Jeb, The Second god of Miniscule Rulings.
The vice of the four, is a nonchalantly disconnected ruler. He speaks only because he has to.

Bra, The Third god of Miniscule Rulings.
The support of the four, is a quietly violent ruler. He speaks either quietly or violently.

Sok, The Fourth god of Miniscule Rulings.
The least of the four, is a benevolent ruler. He speaks only words of kindness.


And so this is what happened when they caught me wearing the sack cloth wrongly.

Irk: By the names and surnames of the four gods! You have worn your sackcloth wrongly! Fie on thee for committing such a heinous deed! I am positively quivering with rage right now!

Me: Erm I-

Jeb: How dare YOU give a response when none has been called for! Even though social laws dictate it is common sense to, I still say it is wrong because I am always right!

Me: ...

Bra: By the great sticks of flaming heaven! How dare you ignore your superiors when they are obviously shouting their asses off at you!

Me: But you just said-

Irk: Enough! You have babbled enough! My ears are ringing from the sheer opposition of the mangled words that are spewing from that blasphemous hole you call a mouth!

Me: ...

Jeb: Well!? What do you have to say to that!?

Me: I thought you just-

Bra: May the thousand dusts of the seven mountains rain curses upon your sorry head you little maggot! Just shut that irritating pie hole of yours before I shut it for you!

Me: ...

Sok: Just turn the sack cloth around and you’ll be fine.

Me: Wow. Just wow.


And so with that, I turned my sack cloth around and the wrath of the four gods of miniscule rulings were appeased. Others, however, were not as lucky as me. Some got devoured by the flames of judgement and others were consumed by the tides of fury. Like this one stout fellow I saw, all he did was blink thrice within a ten second time frame and Jeb went crazy and ate him up in two bites. It was a horrifying sight. And if you think that was bad enough, Irk actually roundhouse kicked another dude for having too big a smile. The last I heard, the dude’s still sailing through the air on the way to the sun or something.

What’s the worst thing out of all this? We were actually asked that question. One guy stood up and said “It’s really boring.” The gods, obviously peeved, asked why with a sneer. And all the poor guy could offer were some vague reasons with a pathetic justification for each. Sadly, he didn’t make it. The thing is, the question sort of got me thinking even more. Why does this suck? Truly, what is the real reason behind all our vehement objection?

If I was asked that question, this is what I would say.

“With all due respect sir, the reason why this sucks, the true reason why most of us would rather be impaled on a stick then go through this is because you have robbed us of that which defines us as being. In essence, we have been kidnapped from reality, thrust into that which is unknown, flung into the empty and somehow, still expected to be. We have been stripped of the very key that identifies us as such. For you see sir, that which defines us is not money, nor love, nor friendship, nor looks, nor speech, nor emotions, nor logic, nor thoughts, nor memories, nor experiences. What defines us sir, is the power of choice. Choice is what sets us apart from merely that to being. Choice is the key proponent that fuels the fires of freedom, the giver of rights and the ultimate expression of everything that is truly within. By taking away choice and replacing it with a cheap shell, you have stripped away freedom and have saturated us with illusions to numb us to the truth. What truth? The truth that we are all slaves. Slaves to the system, blind, never thinking, never hesitating, just moving, just doing. For we sir, are bound by the banality of Bureaucracy, ridden over by Regimentation, annexed by Administration, mocked by Military Hierarchy and shackled by the dual chains of Routine and Repetition. We, sir, in essence, will never be the same again. And that, sir, is the reason why this sucks.”

Will never be the same again you say?

Why? What’s the big deal? What’s the difference between the then and now?


My dear friend... the difference is Choice.



- The State of Nonsense -