Pencil Sharpeners are Better than Humans

We humans always think we’re the best. Don’t you agree? We’re the ones who named all the animals. We’re the ones who explore, construct and create. We’re the ones endowed with the power of thought and the freedom of choice (or at least those not in NS are). We’re the ones at the top of the food chain. We have accomplished so much as humans here on this planet it’s understood we’re the best. I mean, I once saw a poster saying “Behold! The World’s Most Dangerous Creature: Homo Sapiens.”

You have to agree. We have indeed done much. One might even argue we have done too much. Which is why I’ve long pondered over these questions: Are we really the best? What could possibly be better than a human?

And after years of serious thought, I believe I’ve come to a concrete answer. Indeed, a Pencil Sharpener is the one thing that is definitely better than a Human Being. I’m sure you’re probably begging the question as to why right now.

Why?

Why are Pencil Sharpeners better than Humans?

Here are 5 very good reasons.


1) Pencil Sharpeners only have one hole while Humans have more than one hole.

Some people argue that having more holes is actually an advantage but I vehemently disagree. You see, in the game of golf if you have only one hole in your score sheet that means you got the best possible score ever, the hole in one. Also, if you only have one hole, it is safer for everyone around you because there is a lesser chance of people falling into the holes. Holes as you know can be a health hazard because when you fall in you’ll break your legs and having broken legs is not fun.

2) Pencil Sharpeners can sharpen pencils while Humans have to use pencil sharpeners to sharpen pencils.

This is pretty self explanatory. Pencil Sharpeners can sharpen pencils with dead set efficiency. Humans on the other hand can’t even begin to sharpen a pencil without the aid of a Pencil Sharpener. And to add insult to injury, with all the holes a human has, neither of them can sharpen a pencil like the hole a Pencil Sharpener has. I think my point is well established here.

3) Pencil Sharpeners keep their waste shavings efficiently while Humans shit all over the place.

Most Pencil Sharpeners are all about cleanliness and waste efficiency. Pencil Sharpeners care about the environment so much they keep their waste shavings in tiny little boxes and dispose of them nicely. Humans on the other hand, shit all over the place. Some humans even go all the way into jungles for field camps and shit all over the jungle. And the worst part is those people don’t even bother to cover their shit up! They just leave it lying on the floor and that’s dangerous because a wild boar might mistake it for a chocolate milkshake and lick it all up. Terrible.

4) Humans are directly responsible for World Wars, Global Pollution and Economic Meltdowns while Pencil Sharpeners just sit there.

Have you ever met a Pencil Sharpener you didn’t like? Probably not. That’s because Pencil Sharpeners are peace loving things that just sit there quietly. Humans, however, don’t. We shout all over the place, piss people off and burn stuff down on a consistent basis. Pencil Sharpeners are infinitely more peace-loving than humans. You don’t see a white Pencil Sharpener beating the crap out of a black Pencil Sharpener do you? Likewise you also don’t see a “Made in China” Pencil Sharpener kicking a “Made in Taiwan” Pencil Sharpener in the gonads too right? Wish I could say the same for humans though...

5) Pencil Sharpeners can be instantly bought while you have to wait a whole 9 months before your Human is delivered.

Pencil Sharpeners are always there for you. They are punctual, easily available and rarely fail you. Getting a Pencil Sharpener is easy and fast. You go down to a store and buy one. That’s it. An effective human on the other hand, is notoriously difficult to attain. You have to first find two humans, get them to like each other, followed by this terribly expensive ceremony called marriage and then a little something called mutual pro creation or otherwise known as reproduction occurs. Then depending on luck and other environmental factors, a potential human may occur. At this point it is still a potential human. Only after a full friggin 9 months does this potential human become a mini human. And only after 21 friggin years later does this mini human become a full blown effective adult human. And all this while assuming nothing goes wrong with the process and everything is in favourable condition. Pretty obvious which is better.


So there you have it. The top 5 reasons why Pencil Sharpeners are better than Humans. A rather objective outlook I must say. Beg to differ you say? Well, think about this, Pencil Sharpeners don’t argue while you do. This makes a Pencil Sharpener way better than you. So shut up.



- The State of Nonsense -