You know, as time passes me by and I look at the World around me I have come to realise something. I realised that people are more moronic than they think they are. Seriously, when you are surrounded by huge loads of bullshit everyday sometimes you just got to run and hide somewhere to regenerate. There is no peace anymore. People are doomed I tell you. We are all doomed. If God wasn’t in control, I assure you we would’ve destroyed ourselves a thousand times over a long time ago.
Well, I bet you’re reading this and going “He’s not talking about me.” or “He’s talking about that other guy.” To solve this, I have personally come up with a nice short quiz titled “Are you a Moron?” Not so sure that you’re a moron? No fear, just take this quiz and you’ll find out in a few minutes.
For each statement below that you find true for yourself, score 1 point. At the end of the quiz, there will be a scoring system and you'll be graded accordingly. So good luck!
1) You take more than 3 seconds to remember how to write your name.
2) You have a pet fish and you name it Lassie.
3) You asked your friend to give you a miss call and you answered it.
4) You have sent emails/smses/letters to yourself before.
5) You took the train in the wrong direction and took more than three stops to realise it.
6) Your name is “Hubert” or “Bernie”.
7) Your email starts with “summer”, “cool” or “super”.
8) You have failed the subject “Health Education” before.
9) You think Noah’s wife was called Joan of Arc.
10) You have laughed out loud while watching the News.
11) You like High School Musical.
12) You drove to Johor Bahru and called it an “Overseas Trip”.
13) You are a Bus Driver that refuses to let people enter because they paid 85 cents instead of 90 cents.
14) You have either “Jonas Brothers”, “Miley Cyrus” or “Limp Bizkit” on your iPod.
15) You think Microsoft Windows is a good Operating Software.
16) You think going to a Temple, Synagogue, Church or Mosque is “the same thing”.
17) You pay with a cheque at the NTUC.
18) You think McDonalds actually serve food.
19) You paid 9 bucks to watch “Disaster Movie”, “Epic Movie” or “Meet the Spartans”.
20) You get married in Maple Story.
21) You find watching commercials entertaining.
22) You wear glasses when your eyesight is fine.
23) You used to watch Teletubbies.
24) You regularly use an overly emotional MSN Nick.
25) You think the number of friends you have on Facebook is directly proportionate to the number of friends you have in real life.
26) You buy “The New Paper” for real news.
27) You think Techno Music is Music.
28) You think Coca Cola is a “great drink”.
29) You own a Nokia N-Gage.
30) You think that playing Sports will get you somewhere in life.
31) You wear skinny jeans.
32) You think Valentine’s Day is a meaningful occasion.
33) You think Crocs are real shoes.
34) You think Clubbing friends are real friends.
35) You type complex life questions in Google hoping to get them answered.
36) You use more abbreviations than real words in MSN conversations.
37) You are emotionally affected by “Celebrity News”.
38) You thought Bush was a good President.
39) You believe in Conspiracy Theories.
40) You got jailed for stealing a Snickers Bar.
41) You combine both English and Chinese when you speak.
42) You take photos of inanimate objects.
43) You are emotionally or psychologically affected if some random soccer club
44) You establish your sense of self worth by going to Clubs.
45) You are a teacher that gives Holiday Homework like any student really gives a shit.
46) You took a shit in a public toilet before checking if there was toilet paper.
47) You think writing in twit language is “cute”. E.g. “dUncH fWeN eUu lErx!! hMpHxZ!!~!”
48) You parked in a Red Lot before realising it was a Red Lot.
49) You think cheerleading is a real Sport.
50) You smoke and/or do drugs on a regular basis.
51) You refute Christianity with “The Da Vinci Code”.
52) You label yourself as a “Conservative” or “Liberal” when you know nobody gives a shit.
53) You think that International Chess and Chinese Chess are “the same thing”.
54) You don’t know the difference between a homosexual and a homosapien.
55) You think arbitrary online personality quizzes define you.
56) You think the Merlion is a practical, relevant and realistic symbol for Singapore.
57) You make life decisions based on Horoscopes, Palm readings or some other Psychic bullshit.
58) You think the Martial Arts are a useful skill to learn in lieu of the 21st Century.
59) You think Intellectual Property Theft is the same as real Theft.
60) You took this quiz seriously.
The Moron Scoring System
0 pts - Congratulations! You may not be a moron. This isn't a universally standardised list you idiot.
1 to 10 pts - You are a Minor moron. You have got some hope, perhaps you made a few mistakes here and there but nothing major or definitive. All you have to do is watch out from now on and make sure you don't put your head up someone's ass again.
11 to 20 pts - You are a Below Average moron. Danger is looming for you and if you don't get out soon you'll suffer the consequences. You exhibit several tell tale signs of being a moron but you also have some sanity left. Cling to it and don't let go, it may be all you have left to save you.
21 to 30 pts - You are a Standard Moron. No ifs and buts about it. You know it yourself and you might be wondering how you got to this state and how to escape. There may be some hope left but don't count on it. Perhaps if you considered surrendering yourself to the Police, but I doubt it since you're probably too much of a moron to read this far, so screw you.
31 to 40 pts - You are a Total Moron. You disgust me. Get away from society before you infect the rest of us. You probably have problems speaking coherently, write in twit and love High School Musical. My advice? There is no hope but to flee, flee, flee.
41 to 50 pts - You are a Moron of Epic Proportions. Wow, honestly I didn't think anyone would get this far. You are such a moron that other morons would call you a moron. You live in some moronic oblivion that normal people can't even fathom. I only hope that you don't bring others down with you.
51 to 60 pts - You are THE ULTIMATE MORON. Your moronic behaviour has no parallel. You are the Alpha Moron, the very bottom of the food chain. You are an almost mythical being that other morons talk about in moron campfires, whispering to each other about your moronic exploits. This is the ultimate end of human sanity as it is.
So there it is. Are you a Moron? Probably.
- The State of Nonsense -
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